ZECKA NOVUN II BROADCAST TRANSMISSION #442
A faithful recreation of authentic human interaction, based on extensive research of Earth programming.
Episode title: ‘The Devourer of Trust’
(Translated roughly from Zeckan as ‘The Shocking Betrayal That Would Surely Happen to Any Earth Family’.)
SCENE ONE: A perfectly normal Earth dwelling
A warm and inviting ‘Earth Home Unit’. The ‘Central Nourishment Furnace’ (stove) emits comforting smells of nutrient orbs (potatoes). The dwelling is orderly. The ‘Domestic Harmony Aura’ is at its peak. Surely, nothing bad will happen.
TULAR (The Reliable Earth Husband-Type Figure) is stirring a food substance while RIEEN (The Devoted Earth Spouse Companion) sets out Eating Instruments (as humans insist on using, for reasons unknown). Their movements are synchronized, rhythmic and harmonious, as per Earth Custom.
Across from them, VEYL (The Charming Yet Suspicious Guest Friend) lounges idly, fulfilling his role as ‘The Witty Freeloader’, as all Earth homes are required to contain.
VEYL (with exaggerated Earth-style overconfidence): “You two are spoiling me again! This meal smells amazing. I hardly do anything around here, and yet I get treated like an Earth Monarch!”
(Zeckan scholars have noted that all human conversations must contain at least one instance of the phrase “This smells amazing”.)
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TULAR (laughs in the hearty, abrupt way all Earth Males do): “Hardly do anything?! You provide entertainment! That counts for something.”
(Note: As per the sacred teachings of I Love Lucy, all Earth domestic units contain one designated humorous character whose job is to create mild chaos and serve no practical function.)
VEYL (laughing too long, as is Earth custom): “Ah-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I must accept my role with grace! I am the reason you two are not boring and stale, like the Classic American Marrieds of old!”
(Zeckan research indicates that ‘boring’ is the ultimate insult among humans, second only to ‘unfashionable’.)
RIEEN (softly, dramatically): “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
[BRIEF PAUSE FOR EARTH AUDIENCE TO SWOON]
(Zeckan research indicates that human ‘eating’ is not merely a biological function but a sacred ritual of dominance and submission. The individual who prepares the food exerts temporary control over the others, a power dynamic often disrupted by ‘witty freeloader’ figures such as VEYL. This ongoing battle for social equilibrium seems to be the foundation of all Earthly relationships.)
Everything is perfect. The home aura swells with warmth. Surely, nothing can go wrong.
BUT THEN —
A SMALL CLICK. A FLICKER. A HUM OF FAILING MECHANICS.
(Research suggests that all Earth tragedies begin with a small but ominous sound. See: every show from the 1980s.)
Suddenly —
VEYL IS NO LONGER EARTHLY.
His form contorts grotesquely, just as human ‘monsters’ always must (see: The Twilight Zone and all werewolf episodes of the 1990s).
His face is now a horrible, writhing mass of wet, sensory tendrils. His limbs bend at unnatural angles.
[DRAMATIC ZOOM-IN, BLACK-AND-WHITE FOR EMPHASIS]
RIEEN (as human spouses do in all betrayal scenes): “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
She drops a bowl of nutrient orbs.
It shatters in slow motion.
(Zeckan scholars remain perplexed by the human insistence that moments of heightened emotional significance must unfold at a reduced temporal rate. Attempts to replicate this phenomenon in real-time studies have resulted in multiple injuries and one unfortunate combustion incident.)
TULAR (defensive Earth Husband Instincts activated): “What in the cursed void are you?!”
(It remains unclear why humans ask rhetorical questions they do not wish to hear the answers to. Zeckan scientists have tested multiple responses to such inquiries — including detailed explanations, humorous quips and immediate self-destruction — and have determined that all answers are considered unsatisfactory.)
VEYL, despite his grotesque, pulsating form, remains surprisingly casual — as all Earth Betrayers must. He lets out a long sigh, placing his mismatched horror-limbs on his strange, alien hips.)
VEYL (exasperated, yet somehow still likeable): “Well, shit.”
[CANNED LAUGHTER — BECAUSE HUMAN AUDIENCES REQUIRE IT]
THE ARGUMENT UNFOLDS: Extended drama
(Zeckan scholars have determined that Earth arguments must escalate in a structured format: Shock → Denial → Betrayal → Emotional Outburst → Sudden Violence.)
TULAR surges forward, shielding RIEEN. His Earth Warrior Instincts engage.
TULAR (furious): “Stay back, you monstrosity! You have deceived us!”
VEYL (smoothing his pulsating skin): “Minor technical malfunction. Give me a second —”
He fumbles with his wrist device. Instantly, his perfect human form snaps back into place.
VEYL (charming again): “See? No problem. Still me.”
RIEEN (trembling): “You are not our Veyl.”
VEYL: “Oh, Rieen, darling, let’s not be dramatic. Nothing has changed.”
TULAR advances menacingly. He is about to deliver a monologue.
TULAR (booming): “You stole our lives! You robbed Rieen of her last season to breed! You took everything!”
VEYL (momentarily annoyed, then recovers): “You’re being overly emotional. I gave you love, joy —”
RIEEN: “You gave us lies.”
The intensity heightens. The argument spirals into pure Earthly chaos. Gestures become exaggerated. Plates are thrown.
